Getting to Know Yourself Better

Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, is an associate editor at Psych Central and authors the body image blog Weightless. She writes about everything from anxiety and ADHD to creativity and couples to mindfulness and stress. You can learn more about her work at her website.

Knowing ourselves better is a boon to our lives. When we know ourselves better, we’re able to make smarter decisions about what’s best for us. We’re able to create more satisfying lives – lives that are based on our core values and personal priorities. Here are six ways to discover who you really are right now.

Strip Away the Shoulds

Often our identities contain at least some shards of shoulds. In other words, we strive to be what we think we should be. These shoulds may derive from society or our family and friends. I should like this. I should be that. I should behave in this way. I should say that. Who we are gets confused with and buried under the layers of who we think we should be. Strip away the shoulds, and think about who you really are. Simply ask, “Who am I?” You can start with statements like “I am a daughter” or “I am a writer” and progress to “I am happiest when I’m laughing with friends” or “I am learning to be kinder to myself.” This exercise can take many forms. If you’d like, write down whatever statements surface.

Discover or Reconnect to Your Values

Do you know what’s important to you? What do you want your life to look like? Consider your values, which tend to be fluid. That’s why it’s important to check in with yourself periodically. For instance, do adventure, creativity, faith, family, love, learning, travel and tradition make your list? If so, how do they rank? Today, you can find scores of books and websites on clarifying your values. For instance, search online for a list of values, and pick what’s most meaningful to you. Then consider if your life reflects these values. If it doesn’t echo your values, think about the changes you can make so it does.

Date Yourself

Every week spend an hour or an entire day taking yourself out. Eat at your favorite restaurant or try a new place. Check out the latest exhibit at an art gallery or that funny film you’ve been wanting to see. Experiment with a variety of activities. Include quieter moments for soul-searching like walking along the beach or sitting at a café. These kinds of activities help to drown out the daily noise, giving you much-needed alone time to really get to know yourself.

List Your Favorites

What you read, watch, eat and listen to can give you a great glimpse into the person you are. List your favorite books, songs, films and foods – and anything else you’d like. What do your favorites have in common? Why are they significant to you? As an added bonus, incorporate more of your favorite places and things into your life.

Journal

Carve out a few minutes each day to respond to this question in your journal: “What’s on my mind?” Then every week or month, look for patterns. What kinds of themes emerge? What do you seem to need or want? What’s missing? What keeps you fulfilled?

Create a Personal Board

Go through books, blogs, magazines and any other materials to find the words and images that resonate with you. Cut them out and paste them into your journal, a big poster board or even a file folder. Then when you’re finished, consider what this might reveal about your personality and preferences. You can even make the personal board a monthly or yearly tradition, and notice what changes.

Getting to know yourself is a process. These exercises are just the beginning in peeling back the layers of you. Sometimes the process may be empowering, other times intimidating. Either way, always remember that this isn’t about judgment or criticism. It’s about self-discovery and curiosity. You’re already enough.